Is “Toxic Positivity” making you unwell?

How to build positivity without “Toxic Positivity”

Are you experiencing “toxic positivity”?  This can happen within yourself, at work or around friends and family. Maybe you are unsure of what “toxic positivity” is. So, let’s first define it in simple terms. Toxic Positivity is, “staying positive in negative situations while supressing your emotions”

Many studies, including this one in usnews.com resulted in: “More than 75% of respondents admitting they “ignore their own emotions in favour of being happy.” It’s not being positive that’s the issue, it’s the avoidance and suppression of what might really be going on within ourselves that can lead to:

· invalidated feelings and experiences

· creates a culture of avoidance

· triggers feelings of shame

 I have seen it first hand and I know this is happening in many workspaces. I recently did a workshop with a large organization on resilience and this question came up:

“How can I balance building a positive mindset and avoid Toxic Positivity? While also avoiding being seen as playing the victim?”

 To be honest I was a bit stumped at first. Then answered as follows:

“Embracing a positive mindset doesn’t mean avoid or don’t deal with negative feelings, or emotions. There is still room to work through negative or uncomfortable situations while remaining positive. We as humans need to express our emotions good and bad and its OK. It means you can feel all but know that you need to move through it (at your own pace) and know this will pass.” A good way to do this is to ask yourself a couple of things”:

· how can I best resolve this within myself or show support for someone else?

· what is revolving in this really doing for me at this moment? What energy is it taking from me?

· ask others if you can use them as a sounding board and gain a new perspective.  

We know avoiding something just means it will catch up to us at any given moment so, take the time to address it and move on. We will all feel and move through negative situations in our lives or at work. Trying to be super positive all the time is exhausting, am I right? So, acknowledge, sympathise, and work with others to minimize the impact and find the solutions out of it and into positivity but not toxic positivity. Know that healthy optimism will give you a new way of looking at things but still offer space for when things are tough.

 Here are some tools you can try for yourself while also supporting others to build positivity without toxicity:

Acknowledge Emotions:  encourage open communication and validate all emotions, even negative ones. Allow yourself and others to express feelings without judgment or pressure to "stay positive." Ever have a big cry then felt better?

Practice Active Listening: Sometimes, you or others just need to be heard and understood. Maybe state that in the beginning of your conversations. “If you don’t mind, I just want to share my thoughts and feelings on this….”

Encourage Self-compassion: Know it’s okay to not be okay sometimes. Encourage self-care practices and offer support without pressure to always maintain a positive outlook. Heck, I cried in a yoga class from overwhelm one day. I knew what it was about and just let it ride out.

Offer Realistic Optimism: Instead of promoting unrealistic positivity, focus on providing hope grounded in reality.

Be Mindful of Language: Pay attention to the language you use and observe your own thoughts. How may this be perceived by others? Work on avoiding overly positive or dismissive language.

Model Vulnerability: Be willing to be open and share your own struggles and challenges, demonstrating that it's normal to experience a range of emotions and that vulnerability can be a strength.

Promote a supportive environment: Foster an environment where people feel safe to express their true feelings without fear of judgment or criticism. Encourage empathy, understanding, and genuine connections among individuals. This is a good way to help each other out of what some might have trouble processing and shed new light.

By implementing these strategies for yourself and others, you can help create a more supportive and empathetic environment that acknowledges the complexities of human emotions without falling into the trap of toxic positivity.

If you or someone you know is struggling with finding the positive in negative situations and struggling to cope, I encourage you to seek support from a qualified mental health professional in your area.